Failing to change the world

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One of my worst fears may be something that not many people may expect or even think of: the fear of dying before being able to change the world.

The world in which we currently live is a rotten world. But when thinking about it, the world is not a rotten world; our world is a rotten world. We have the bad habit of considering only the territories colonized by humans — every part of the world stolen from Mother Nature — when we talk about the world. This way of thinking is mainly caused because we believe we are superior to everything. We may not have the physical strength to face everything, but we have the intelligence needed to compensate that lack of strength.

But that intelligence doesn’t always separate us from the animal kingdom. Because we have the capacity to think doesn’t mean we all think. We can control ourselves but some of us don’t. Our society is full of criminals. People are kidnapped each day; people are  dying each day. People are victims of different kinds of aggression each day; people are victims of frauds each day.

We are all humans and yet we all separated ourselves from each other. Quite a sad reality. You have minorities  and majoritiesrich people and poor people, common people and those of a higher rank. Was there a need for us to get separated that way? Was there a need for us to create a history tainted by blood?

There was no need for such things, but the problem is that people are creatures of mistakes, and some the results of mistakes. We try to learn from our mistakes but no matter how much we try, mankind is cursed to do the same mistakes over and over again — in different forms.

What you read is one of the thoughts that haunt my mind every single day, from day to night. Quite a sad thing. But I don’t regret having those thoughts, because they pushed me towards the path I decided to take. Those thoughts helped me understanding who I really was. Who I really am.

I am someone who wants to make of the world a better place.

However, it’s easier to say than to do. Making of the world a better place is something that may take years to realize. Years. I’m scared that I may die before being able to accomplish my goal. But that fear is also the result of a feeling of uncertainty: I am afraid of making mistakes that will prevent me from accomplishing my goal. And if I were to die before accomplishing that goal, I would die while feeling unsatisfied. Why did I sacrifice my life for? Were all my efforts useless? Those kinds of thoughts haunt me every night.

That fear may seem ridiculous to you, but I simply can’t bear a world covered in darkness.

 

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